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| In memory of T. Matthew Gellert |
| October 2, 1950 - April 9, 1999. |
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| I Did Not Die |
| Do not stand at my grave and forever weep. |
| I am not there; I do not sleep. |
| I am a thousand winds that blow. |
| I am the diamond glints on snow. |
| I am the sunlight on ripened grain. |
| I am the gentle autumn's rain. |
| When you awaken in the morning's hush |
| I am the swift uplifting rush |
| Of quiet birds in circled flight. |
| I am the soft stars that shine at night. |
| Do not stand at my grave and forever cry. |
| I am not there. I did not die. |
| --Anonymous |
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| Tribute to TM Gellert, III by Penny Freeman |
| April 12, 1999 |
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| My name is Penny Freeman. Matthew was my "little brother" - which was always something of a joke, big as he was. His delight at towering over me and calling me "big sister" was rather a permanent revenge for the fact that I could no longer pick him up, haul him out of harm's way or make him behave - as I did when he was a little child. Fact is, Matthew always hated anyone telling him what he could or could not do, even then. Nonetheless, to me, he was always my little brother. |
| Growing up, he was called Teddy. I was amazed, after he decided he had outgrown being Teddy, that I ever got used to calling him Matt. Eventually he came to prefer being called only Matthew, but he let me get away with still calling him Matt much of the time - though I think it was only so he could tease me about not getting it right. But he did indeed finally grow up - and earned the right to be called whatever he liked. |
| He was a very complicated guy, my little brother - a huge bundle of contradictions. Much of the time he was like a little kid in a big man's body. He was a tease, a wit, a clown, a prankster. He loved his "toys" - his boat, his sports car, his endless tools and machines and gadgets. He was handsome and charming and enjoyed getting "all spiffed up" in a tux or a finely tailored suit - but actually, he was happiest in his old denim overalls, getting filthy digging in his vegetable garden or hiking in the hills with his dogs. In fact, the other night at the hospital, when they were talking about when this day might come, my sister Wendy said, "Now don't you go and die on me, I have nothing here to wear to a funeral." She was wearing her own overalls at the time. He looked at her, grinned and said, "Yes you do - those overalls. They're perfect. Whenever it is, I want you to wear overalls to my funeral." So, as you can see, she did. From me, he wanted high heels - since I have not had a pair on in nearly five years! Please note, high heels. |
| Matthew was a great salesman - persuasive, gregarious, confident, at ease - and he really liked people. But he could also be tough, demanding, tenacious, impulsive - and as he admitted to me recently, "I guess sometimes I can be a real SOB, huh?" I did not hesitate to agree with him. |
| He was extravagant, often outrageously so - almost always, unwisely so - but he had more fun hunting for and finding bargains than anyone I've ever known (except myself perhaps). Not long ago, when he was still able, he went grocery shopping and called me when he got home just tickled to pieces about having turned in coupons worth more than he had spent. Matt worked very hard at whatever he undertook, and he thoroughly enjoyed being successful. He was very competitive - he liked to win. So he was pretty good at making money. Like many entrepreneurial types' he also had some pretty bad times when things did not work out as he planned - but he was creative, inventive, a planner and a dreamer - and he always found a way to pick himself up and try again when things got tough. He was like a cat with nine lives - which is why it was so hard to accept that this was one crisis Matthew couldn't beat. |
| Many of you did not know Matthew well, some of you not at all. I hope you will all take a few minutes to look at the photo memorial in the lobby that my daughter Koby helped me put together. I hope you will see the best of Matthew, as I will remember him, and you will know him a little better. He adored his wife, Helen, and other than Helen, he was probably closer to our younger brother Peter than to anyone else in the world. They did everything together, all their lives. They fought all their lives. And they loved each other profoundly. As anyone who did know him will tell you, he was also completely besotted over his dogs. |
| Matthew was enthusiastic, funny, loving, absolutely devoted to his family and friends and his animals It was Matthew who went to every family gathering - who promoted and staged family reunions, who attended every family wedding or funeral, wherever it was - even when he could not afford to do so. He was a big mush. Sometimes, he was a big "plump" mush. |
| Matthew was also an incorrigible romantic - and a matchmaker to boot! He introduced my mother to her husband Jack, who played a big, big role in Matthew's life over the last several years. He introduced my daughter to her husband Doug MacFarland (who also happened to be Matthew's stepson). Confusing, huh? Well, on their very first date, Matthew began joking that it would be perfect if they ended up getting married so they could have children who would call him "Uncle Grandpa." In short, Matthew was a real piece of work! |
| He loved life and lived it to the hilt. He loved to fish and boat and hunt and hike. He was a gourmet cook who made the best "scratch" carrot cake I've ever tasted. He loved the mountains, the sea, all the great outdoors. He loved to travel - and he was still the ultimate homebody. |
| All in all - he was really a pretty nice guy. And in a thousand ways, he drove us all absolutely crazy! He was impossible. He was often unreasonable, always incredibly stubborn. He was the most infuriating person I have ever known. In fact I spent much of his life being furious at him. He considered me to be the most conservative, "sensible" member of our somewhat eccentric family. As a result, he regularly turned to me in urgent need of "sensible advice" - which I would do my best to give. He would listen intently to my most carefully considered suggestions, agree fervently that whatever they were, they were exactly what he should do - and then he would promptly go right out and do exactly the opposite of whatever I recommended every single time! I never figured out why he even asked, because ultimately, Matthew always believed he was right. I think maybe he did it just to drive me to distraction! |
| He had a big, generous heart. On the other hand, he was sometimes very thoughtless with those closest to him, saying hurtful things he did not mean - and for which he was always terribly sorry afterward. But it did not make him an easy person to live with or to deal with when you did not agree. And for all the ways he could be tough and stubborn and, yes, bossy - he hurt easily, too. He never understood that it was not necessary for people to agree with him, or his actions, to still love him. Indeed, I knew that all his life, Matthew wanted - and sought - my approval |
| And he got it. In the last six months of his life, Matthew showed more grace and courage and dignity than I thought he had in him - in the face of terrible emotional and physical blows that seemed to come one after the other. He suffered through horrible pain, but somehow managed to keep his sense of humor right up to the very last day. |
| We talked several times a day, every day when I was not with him - and some of the funniest, albeit most bizarre, conversations we ever had were during this time - about his battle against the cancer. Matthew fought hard against that vicious, cruel disease because he wanted to live to grow old with Helen and do all the things they had planned together. When he understood for sure that he was dying, he fought even harder to make sure Helen would be all right without him. He worried about protecting his parents and his brother from the pain of seeing him grow weaker and weaker. He struggled valiantly to come to terms with the anger he felt - that we all felt - at his being cheated of all the time he was not going to have, and though he kept on hoping for a miracle, he tried every day to make peace with the reality of what he believed was coming. |
| Matthew was truly a brave, good man for all his very human flaws and failings and all his craziness. And I was very, very proud of how he made this final voyage. I told him so often. I loved him - we all did - even when he drove us nuts! |
| I thank god he went peacefully and will suffer no more. I am especially grateful that he got his wish that he would die quietly, unafraid, and with some dignity. |
| Over the last few weeks, there has been a steady stream of friends and family members from all over - one cousin all the way from Amsterdam, Holland, who have come to see Matthew. He loved seeing them all, and he hated saying goodbye. Each time got harder. Matthew did not like saying goodbye. So right to the very last moment, he chose to do things his way. And I am sure, knowing Matthew, that he is sitting on a stool with his strumming guitar somewhere - in his overalls - with a cocky grin on his face, saying, "It's okay guys, I'm really okay. Now go have a party in my honor!" Because Matthew loved a good party. |
| He would want us to celebrate his life - and say no more goodbyes, just "we love you Matthew, we'll see you soon." Until then, we will all miss him. We will all miss him very much. |
| Theodore Matthew Gellert, III, now among the stars. |
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